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PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 11:06 am 
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What's your religion ?

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge,
about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!"

"Why shouldn't I?" he said.

I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"

"Like what?"

"Well ... are you religious or atheist?"

"Religious."

"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"

"Christian."

"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

"Protestant."

"Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

"Baptist."

"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"

"Baptist Church of God."

"Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God."

"Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"

To which I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.!

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"...Lets do it to them before they do it to us..." Sgt. Stan Jablonski, Hill Street Precinct


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 11:25 am 
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What should they say?

Three buddies die in a car crash, and they go to heaven to an orientation.

They were all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are
mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor
of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and
school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say, "Look! He's moving!"

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"...Lets do it to them before they do it to us..." Sgt. Stan Jablonski, Hill Street Precinct


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PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2010 6:13 pm 
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from funlok.com

Customer Service

Young Mwangi was appointed sales person at a local General Dealer's store in Kampala .

While on one of his shifts, a lady approached him and asked if they had peach jam to which he bluntly replied, "Out of stock." At this, the lady immediately turned to leave the shop in disgruntlement.

It was then that the shopkeeper, who had been looking on, called Mwangi aside and told him, "When a customer asks for a product that is out of stock, you apologize for its unavailability, and then offer other types of the same product. For instance in this case it was peach jam; offer other types of jam like plum jam, guava jam and so on."

Next, came in another lady who asked for toilet paper and Mwangi politely replied, "I am sorry ma'am, we do not have any toilet paper right now but you could try carbon paper, manila paper or sand paper!


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 25, 2010 11:05 am 
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Texted by a friend

Before marriage:

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.

She: Do you want me to leave?

He: No! Don't even think about it.

She: Do you love me?

He: Of course! Over and over!

She: Have you ever cheated on me?

He: No! Why are you even asking?

She: Will you kiss me?

He: Every chance I get.

She: Will you hit me?

He: Are you crazy? I'm not that kind of person!

She: Can I trust you?

He: Yes.

She: Darling!

After marriage.....simply read from bottom to top.


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 02, 2011 8:22 am 
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By Fr. Jerry Orbos
Philippine Daily Inquirer, First Posted 01:31:00 01/02/2011
http://opinion.inquirer.net/inquireropi ... 75/Love-on

THE STORY is told about a parish priest who at Christmas greeted his congregation thus: “I wish you all Merry Christmas. And since many of you here come to church only once a year, let me now take this opportunity to greet you also Happy Easter!”


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PostPosted: Wed Jan 05, 2011 11:20 am 
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Epifanio M. Almeda wrote:
Texted by a friend

Before marriage:

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.

She: Do you want me to leave?

He: No! Don't even think about it.

She: Do you love me?

He: Of course! Over and over!

She: Have you ever cheated on me?

He: No! Why are you even asking?

She: Will you kiss me?

He: Every chance I get.

She: Will you hit me?

He: Are you crazy? I'm not that kind of person!

She: Can I trust you?

He: Yes.

She: Darling!

After marriage.....simply read from bottom to top.

i laughed hard at this...lolx
i hope this will not always be the case to married couples though....xd

~
once in a while i read posts here...to get a dose of the best medicine... :D

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"for where your treasure is, there your ♥ will be also" ~matt. 6:21


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PostPosted: Sat Jan 08, 2011 7:54 am 
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Forwarded by IBP Cavite:


A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Enzo, has cheated him out of 10 million
bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was
assumed that Enzo would hear nothing that he might have to testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Enzo about his missing $10 million, he takes along
his lawyer who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the
10 million bucks is that he embezzled from me."

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Enzo where the money is. Enzo signs back, "I don't
know what you are talking about." The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know
what you are talking about." The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Enzo's temple and says,
"Ask him again!" The lawyer signs to Enzo, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him." Enzo signs back,
"OK. You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Bruno's
backyard in Woodbridge !" The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?" The lawyer replies,
“He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 6:40 pm 
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`

...ka epie, lahat yata lawyers, gay-an ka-smart...! :lol:

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"...Lets do it to them before they do it to us..." Sgt. Stan Jablonski, Hill Street Precinct


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 09, 2011 7:38 pm 
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Sabe ng iba. :)


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PostPosted: Fri Jan 14, 2011 7:13 pm 
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Making the holy sign :

A Priest, a Minister and a Rabbi from one city were taking a car ride to a conference on
world religions. On the highway they were in an accident.

First the Priest steps out, makes the sign of the cross and says, "Oh, God, thank you for
letting us survive."

Then the Minister crosses himself and says, "Thank you dear Lord for protecting us."

Finally the Rabbi steps out and likewise makes the sign of the cross. The Priest and Minister
look at each other.

Baffled, the Minister says, "We thought you didn't believe in that."

To which the Rabbi responds, "Hell no, I was just checking to make sure I have everything --
spectacles, testicles, wallet, and watch!"

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"...Lets do it to them before they do it to us..." Sgt. Stan Jablonski, Hill Street Precinct


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PostPosted: Mon Jan 17, 2011 3:50 pm 
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zorro05 wrote:
`

...ka epie, lahat yata lawyers, gay-an ka-smart...! :lol:


,,,no, it means Lawyers are good liars, especially when the stake is high. :lol:


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 27, 2011 11:05 am 
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`
The Big Flood

It had been raining for days and days, and a terrible flood had come over the land. The
waters rose so high that one man was forced to climb onto the roof of his house.

As the waters rose higher and higher, a man in a rowboat appeared, and told him to get in.
"No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the man
in the rowboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.

The waters rose higher and higher, and suddenly a speedboat appeared. "Climb in!" shouted a man in the boat.
"No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me."
So the man in the speedboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.


The waters continued to rise. A helicopter appeared and over the loudspeaker,
the pilot announced he would lower a rope to the man on the roof.
"No," replied the man on the roof.
"I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the helicopter went away.
The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.

The waters rose higher and higher, and eventually they rose so high that the man on the
roof was washed away, and alas, the poor man drowned.

Upon arriving in heaven, the man marched straight over to God. "Heavenly Father," he said,
"I had faith in you, I prayed to you to save me, and yet you did nothing.

Why?"

God gave him a puzzled look, and replied....

"I sent you two boats and a helicopter, what more did you expect?"

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"...Lets do it to them before they do it to us..." Sgt. Stan Jablonski, Hill Street Precinct


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PostPosted: Thu Jan 27, 2011 11:23 am 
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`
Animals have standards too :

A Lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside
and asked to spend the night with a farmer.

The farmer said "There might be a problem; you see, I only have room for two to sleep,
so one of you must sleep in the barn."

"No problem," chimed the Rabbi, "My people wandered in the desert for forty years,
I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening."

With that he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night.

Moments later a knock was heard at the door; the farmer opened the door.
There stood the Rabbi from the barn.

"What's wrong?" asked the farmer.

He replied, "I am grateful to you, but I can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn
and my faith believes that is an unclean animal."

His Hindu friend agrees to swap places with him. But a few minutes later the same scene reoccurs. There is a knock on the door.

"What's wrong, now?" the farmer asks.

The Hindu holy man replies, "I too am grateful for your helping us out but there is a cow in
the barn and in my country cows are considered sacred. I can't sleep on holy ground!"

Well, that leaves only the Lawyer to make the change. He grumbled and complained,
but went out to the barn.

Moments later there was another knock on the farmers door.

Frustrated and tired, the farmer opens the door, and there stood...

The pig and the cow.

:lol:

_________________
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"...Lets do it to them before they do it to us..." Sgt. Stan Jablonski, Hill Street Precinct


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 04, 2011 6:25 pm 
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DEMAND AND SUPPLY By Boo Chanco (The Philippine Star) Updated February 04, 2011
http://www.philstar.com/Article.aspx?ar ... egoryId=66

Biker kiss

Marilyn Mana-ay Robles sent this one.

A tough looking biker was riding his Harley when he sees a pretty girl about to Jump off a bridge so he stops.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

“I’m going to commit a suicide,” she says.

While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn’t want to miss an opportunity and he asked, “Well, before you jump, why don’t you give me a kiss?”

So, she does.

After she’s finished the biker says, “Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That’s a real talent you are wasting! You could be famous! Why are you committing suicide?”

“My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl...”


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PostPosted: Fri Feb 04, 2011 6:27 pm 
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Nick, Zach and Dave were queuing at the pearly gates. St. Peter was looking at the Book and making records.

St. Peter: Religion?
Nick: Roman catholic.
St. Peter: Very well, take the elevator and proceed to the 20th floor. But as you pass the 13th floor, be very quiet.

St. Peter: Next! Religion?
Zach: Baptist.
St. Peter: Take the elevator and get off at the 15th floor. But be very quiet as you pass the 13th floor.

St. Peter: Next please! Religion?
Dave: evangelical.
St. Peter. Take the elevator and proceed to the 22nd floor. But be very quiet as you pass the 13th floor.
Dave: Pardon me, St. Peter, but why must we be very quiet as we pass by 13th floor?
St. Peter: The INCs are in the 13th floor. They think they're the only ones here.


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